About a year and a half ago, a good friend of mine introduced me to the wonderful website Cakewrecks. Cakewrecks is the kind of eccentric gem that only the blogosphere can throw up and whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I click on the site. It never fails to leave me in fits of laughter. Now we have an NHS equivalent. Step forward, Traction Man (well, metaphorically at least, cos you're in traction) of the wonderful 'Notes from a Hospital Bed'. Traction Man is - well, in traction in a hospital somewhere. He is taking pictures of his hospital food, posting them on a blog and inviting people to guess what it is. The most puzzling one so far has been the vegetable moussaka above; noone was able to guess what it was.
What I found hilariously funny about this site is that it illustrates perfectly the old unwritten British rules about cuisine. It harks back to a time when spaghetti bolognaise was completely off limits and you could only buy one kind of lettuce at the Co-op. Rules like;
1. Colour. Safe foods are yellow, green or off white in colour. Custard, peas, greasy chips are all acceptable; bolognaise and chicken chasseur are not.
2. Vegetables should either be carrots or peas. Other vegetables should not be present on a plate unless they are covered in a cheese sauce or mashed.
3. Meat should be either brown or white in colour. It should not be pink in the middle; it's not decent.
4. The only sauce that should be put on meat is gravy. Meat should be able to stand on its own two feet. If it needs a sauce, it's probably off.
5.Meat and vegetables should not be allowed to mix. They should stand politely to next other on a plate. Cooking meat and vegetables together in the continental practice of casseroles is to be frowned on and not encouraged. Potatoes can be placed on top of meat, but again not mixed through.
6. Mushrooms are permitted if they are cooked until grey. Mushrooms that are still white are not permitted.
7. Processed peas are good; garden peas are suspiciously middle class; haricot verts
is what you get when a bunch of lazy French can't be bothered shelling the peas.
8. Foods ending in 'i' or 'a' should be avoided.
9. Macaroni cheese is an exception to '8'; its yellow and gloopy status classifies it as a British dish and fulfills equality, diversity and ethnicity regulations re food.
10. Potatoes should always be present on a dish. In the unfortunate event of a dish being a pasta dish (see '8') mashed potato should be added to neutralise it.
Do have a look at this blog. And support this guy; laughs apart, he might just get something done about nutrition in the NHS. If they don't get him first..
2 comments:
Trouble is Julie is that they may, 'get him' that is. Laying in bed for some time, especially in Hospital, does expose you to a whole list of possible co-morbidities that you didn't have before. Not the least of which (if you're in pain) is the use of the cocktail of opiate derived painkillers such as morphine, which stop dead the digestive process of peristalsis. You then have to have things to make you 'go', such as senna or as things progress more potent... I don't need to go on. I fact lying in a Hospital bed even if you were healthy is one of the most dangerous places to be, especially in the NHS. This burden is made all the more dangerous when you are there sufficiently long so as to actually eat the food!
In wife's case they also decided to attempt thier best to poison her to boot! Despite the fact it was obvious to anyone with half a brain, that she was hyperglycaemic (if you read the test results of course); so you the try to feed that person copious amounts of Carbohydrates. The very thing that without any agents in place to counter-act hyperglycaemia is going to make that person very ill especially in postoperative recovery, which in itself raises anyone's blood sugar to an extent; you are effectively poisoning your patient!
How so called Health Care Professionals can be so useless I do not know. My blood runs cold and my heart still races when I remember how close we came to a neglectfull disaster.
Traction mans never fails to amuse; he must have a calm disposition and good sense of humour even if at times it's the 'gallows' type. My employee and friend is currently going through a similar experience, whereby he will soon, after six weeks in a brace be operated upon once more to further correct a massive injury to his tibia. The outcome is still pending and he is young. But once more, this injury was not treated until he presented at A&E for a third time! By then he was suffering from complications brought about by delay and came close to losing his leg!
I wonder what we are paying for with our Taxes when simple protocols are not adhered to (suspect broken bone- get X-ray- check for limb pulse). I'm no doctor but it seems self evident and intuitive. As for the food; I'm reliably informed by spies in the local Hospital that meals travel from offsite some 60 miles from a contractors factory, get reheated and then distributed all for 64p per day! It is hardly surprising that it's s**t. It cost more to feed the Cat than that!
Traction Man needs his humour to survive and I truly hope he does. I just have a little difficulty in seeing the same humour reflected in my own memory. But then I'm a grumpy old man...
Why have you left the feet on the meat?!! ;-)
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